I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize