I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
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and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
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I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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