seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
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I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I will be naked everywhere
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
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This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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