well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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