I have demons in me.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize