good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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