So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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