Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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