Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize