It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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