I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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