You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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