You're my little dorito
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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