I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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