if you like me you must not know who I am
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
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Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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