I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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