I want to walk on stilts...naked
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Randomize