Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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