This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
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You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
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Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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