Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
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Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
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I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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