I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize