you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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