We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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