I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
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Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
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Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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