Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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