And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize