dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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