we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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