I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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