if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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