He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
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It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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