now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize