His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
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I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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