yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
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I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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