You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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