You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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