don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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