and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
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the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
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You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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