He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
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Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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