Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
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Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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