Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize