yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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