dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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