youre lurking in front of me
oh god the rape fog is back!
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
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I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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