Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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