shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
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you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The uberlube is also flammable
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
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I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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