I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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