In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We are all done wearing pants today
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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