Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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