my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
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Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
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I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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